here in our hollow

Remind me never to ever ever talk about love with these people. Of course they do know everything – uh, Kaitie and Colin came with me to Au Sable after Mara's birthday, and I played The Decemberists some and Meg got curious about 'Leslie Anne Levine' and so I played them 'We Both Go Down Together,' and – augh.

Well, Colin starts singing along, okay. To me, like I am his love, of course, et cetera. And I just smiled, and then he said he knew that he'd never really be enough for me, me being the lower class girl or not. And that's when Mara, who is the only one who's actually ever been to Newhaven, said that depending on who you ask, Colin is the lower class girl.

MARA: – I mean boy!
COLIN: I'm not sure if I should be offended or not. Or maybe I am the lower class girl.

To which I said, well, at that rate, there wasn't ever going to be any sex between us, because unlike everyone else in the room, I was a straight girl. (Meg reminded me that she, too, is a straight girl, and is possibly the only one attending Watson Academy.)

And then we got back to the song, and Emma, she is so scary, she turns around and faces us.

EMMA: Well, of course she still clings to the petticoats of the girl who died with her. Because they were buried together, baby's hands wrapped in mother's skirts, that's how they did it back then.
EVERYONE ELSE: [shivering]
KAITIE: Oh, Kenzie, your friends. They're so. So. I don't even know.

We got into a discussion then about if the chimney sweep was a ghost and was therefore also the Chimbley Sweep or maybe not, and then somehow went full circle and ended up back on the conversation about dying for love. Which of course became the story of everyone making fun of me.

MEG: Regardless, really, of whether she got out of the way because she couldn't kill her baby or if it was because she really wanted him to die or if he really was going to kill her so his parents didn't kill them or – okay, it doesn't matter. There are about eight hundred different ones, there. It's not really worth it. Regardless of all of that, though, the idea of suicide for love, I can't decide if it's creepy or beautiful or both.
MARA: I think it's both.
JASPER: I think it's probably beautiful, except if someone dies for someone who doesn't deserve it.
MEG: You'd like someone to die for you. Just like I bet Water loves it when people die for her, because she's the kind of romantic type who wants that sort of disturbingly creepy affection. Sailors. They give me the creeps.
MARA: [Dennis Hopper voice] Zombies, man. They creep me out.
EMMA: Oh, shut up.
KAITIE: I love that movie – no, I think it's creepy, though, for the most part.
HILLARY: Would any of us actually do it, though.
MEG: [quietly] Yeah.
EMMA: Aww, one of us has to be sure to tell him –
JASPER: Wait, no, no. She's cheating. She wouldn't actually die. If Meg tried to die for love she'd just get revived or something.
MEG: [sly smile]
HILLARY: I really don't think it matters, though?
MACKENZIE: Yeah, none of us are in a romance novel.
HILLARY: But maybe – suicide for love isn't what it is we're talking about? It's suicide because of a lack of it? That's what people do a lot? And it's very sad.
MACKENZIE: Those people, I feel their pain.
MEG: Aww.
EMMA: Really?

(The sad thing is all of that is verbatim.)

We discover that Emma is uneducated in the ways of my romantic life, and she gets the whole story, and we're all talking about it, and then it progresses back to suicide. Somehow, it's determined that yes, if he rejects me I will die, only just almost, and instead I will return to Bay City and be Mara's assistant and have my Next Best Thing, Colin, because he is my handsome blind-as-a-bat lord who has fallen head over heels for me despite not caring that I am in love with someone else and always will be, and he is a great Next Best Thing because of how dearly I do love him and how I am attracted to him (all right so that part is true, he is a dear dear boy and I am attracted to him, but whatever) except then it gets too much for me, and, well, everyone dies in the end.

MACKENZIE: So I am no longer able to bear it, and fling myself off a cliff, possibly pregnant, possibly not, whatever.
COLIN: The Next Best Thing, he can't take it, and jumps off the cliff, and follows.
MARA: Leaving the role of tragic heroine, uh, tragically unplayed. I've also lost my assistant.
HILLARY: Ooh, I'll do it!
MEG: Except the role of the assistant is tragic.
EMMA: So someone has to die for Hillary too.
HILLARY: Oh. Well. Great. Perfect.

That's what our weekend was like. ¬_¬ We got in to other people's music, too, and I think that I have now listened to more Sunset Rubdown in two days than I ever had before in my life.

FREE FREE OF OBSERVATION

I AM FREE


Okay, not all that free, becaue I'm still having FcεRI problems, but I'm fairly free. Specialist isn't overly concerned. Specialist is going to keep his very special eyes on it.


(I still don't have a lupus icon! Note the way I'm not doing anything about it at all, though.)

Okay, ow, to say the least. Another car hit the side of Mom's car and threw us around some – I'm on hospital wireless again, and Mom's concussed and unconscious down the hall (Eric, who is fine – I caught and covered him – is with her). I am stuck on observation for 24 hours before I get to go see Specialist and he'll determine what to do with me from there.

Colin is asleep on one of the chairs and Kaitie went to get a drink. Dad called. (I have no idea how, nor do I know how he knew, but that's my father for you.) Eric's dad is out in the hall pacing, I think.

I dislocated my shoulder pretty bad, and when they found out they had lupus they admitted me, basically. But I'm still in Bay City, not in Grayling, so like previously stated, it's up to Specialist.


This entry's a little disjointed.

Sorry.

Oh, look, there's Kaitie.

so i'm supposed to let her family & friends who read this know that mackenzie is okay, but she's in the hospital and will try to update asap.

- kaitie

I don't post enough. Basically I spent the whole entire month doing Lupus Awareness stuff.

( Anyway. )

Okay, so, here's the promised picture post. Some of dance, one of the cat (I am a bad cat mother and don't have lots of pictures only because all of these are from Kaitie's camera and he doesn't go out with us), Kaitie, me, Colin, etc. None of Eric.

( pictures!!! )


Yes, I am in the last picture. I'm in the back. (I am also in the icon.)

What with October being Lupus Awareness Month, not only am I going to flaunt that (watch out for me on May 10) but I am not going to cut this image which – it's not posed according to the photographer and it's a purple flower and a butterfly and omg how perfect.



If you don't know anything about what I'm talking about? Learn.

(It's a crime I don't have a good butterfly icon.)

Suddenly, things are getting better, because I've got – well. Friend, not friends, it's just Kaitie – and a job, and a boyfriend.

The job: Bay City Vet Clinic needed a new receptionist, and Mom reccomended me to them. I have no idea how they listened to her, but they did, and now I'm doing that job. It's actually pretty fun, even if animals talk to me knowing I can answer and I don't.

The boyfriend: His name is Colin (that gained my interest right there) and he works in the gift shop at the hospital. I met him when I started picking up cut flowers almost constantly, and he started hanging out with me and Kaitie, and he's not the love of my life but he's great and I like him a lot.

It just sucks that he lives in Grayling.

brb going to Manhattan

There is absolutely nothing interesting happening here at all. Nothing. Except – oh, except I got a cat! I named him Yankee Bayonet.

I should consider a picture post. Not just of him, though. I've got pictures of a lot of things. I even have some of Kaitie, who's been hiding insanely from the camera – I am sort of really excited for Dad (and Eiree) to meet Kaitie, but I'm not sure it's ever going to happen. They didn't meet her when I knew her before.

I know I am excited for Jo to and I hope this happens very, very soon.



Eric just makes me miss Daka more and more and more because he's annoying, and despite the fact Daka's younger the kid has a thousand times more maturity and is also just more fun.

I met a Fire at the hospital today. Her name's Meg – she's apparently had magic for, like, a couple weeks? And is learning from Fire himself. I guess that explains why it is she feels so strong so fast –


Right, so some of the things I write are incredibly strange, and for the sake of random Internet searchers I should probably just cut it out and give up on talking about a lot of things. Random Internet searchers and the friends I might someday make. I mean, I have one – Kaitie, from dance, but I don't know her very well.

I also don't know how very well I can dance.

New journal to mourn the fact I am stuck in the hospital cycle for God knows how long. My mother wants me to stay here for my blood counts instead of commuting – she's the one with the money, I can't argue. And Dad can't really deal with it – he's busy, it's not his fault. I'll miss him. I still get to see him at least one weekend a month or I'll kill someone.

This sucks, because everyone I really love, though? Everyone. (Fine, except Eric.) Everyone I actually want to be around ever are at home, which is either the house in 5 or Dad's in 22.

I've got no real way to contact anyone else other than emailing Jo, and if she doesn't tell Theriontan I'm sick I'm fucked.

And I'm homesick already.